we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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