Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
