I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
