He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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