dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
