the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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