when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
