I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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