The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
