When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
