I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
