so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
