Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
