I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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