Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
