you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
