as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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