Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
