Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
