Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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