I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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