Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
