I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
