Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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