I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
