Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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