It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
