I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
