i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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