I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
