What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
