"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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