He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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