My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
