hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
