Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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