Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
