i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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