I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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