he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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