so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
