The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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