so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
