Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
