I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
