Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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