oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian