Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.