you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
