I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
