i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
