a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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