watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize