how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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