i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
