Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i drank out of a bidet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
