just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
