I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
