This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
