Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
