her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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