hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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