finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
