guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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