he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
