I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
