My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
