Everything about him screamed your future.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
