I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
