I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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