Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
