Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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