See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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