I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
