If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
they need to just BURY HIM!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
