Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
