you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
