i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
