mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I checked into jail on foursquare
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
